Want more tips and encouragement??
A real marriage is going to take some real work...
    A few years back, during a season of my life where I was thriving financially and in my career as a counelor, the enemy was having the time of his life in my home. We were dry-drowning. Do you know what that is? In a super nonmedical explanation- it is when a person gets too much water and/or air in their lungs (usually when they are swimming or something) but they do not immediately "drown" right there in the moment. It takes time. And it can happen without someone even noticing.
     That is what was happening to my marriage. And sadly, my husband and I ignored all of the warning signs until it was too late. Our family collapsed through a series of unfortunate events (am I allowed to use that term, Netflix??). We were more than drowning, we needed CPR but neither one of us were prepared to administer it. How could we? We were both two broken people trying to revive a broken relationship in a broken home with broken hearts and broken emotions.
      I won't take up all of our short time together going into detail about the chaos that errupted between us (you can grab a copy of In This Place: A Wife's Guide to Godly to Hope in her Marriage and in Life for the nitty-gritty....). What I want to share today are just a few key things that not only kept my marriage afloat when the world seemed to want to destroy it but ultimately helped me begin the journey to peace, love, and strength back in my home. These are three tips that I have created through my testimony of a wife but also as a Marriage counselor. 



  1. FORGIVENESS IS NOT A ONE TIME DECISION (MATTHEW 18:21-22)                                                      I had to learn very quickly that every romantic movie I had ever seen was a lie. Once you and your spouse make that decision to move forward in your marriage, you kiss, make-up, and vow to never "break up" again- the movie does not end! Tomorrow, you will probably not be feeling super bubbly. Next week, you probably will not want to renew your vows. Toxic emotions and broken feelings do not go away the first time forgiveness is given or received. Forgiveness is a daily action. It requires a consistent decision to forgive the other person for their flaws and mistakes.


     In our marriage program, and the 2 were United, we dig deeply into the  importance of creating a space, an entirely new space, in your home that allows for you and your spouse to begin growing from your broken places. Removing yourself to this new environment does not mean you are trying to escape or hide from your problems, but that you and your spouse recognize the need to remove yourselves as a couple to begin healing properly. While in this environment, it is important to recognize the need for purposeful communication and authentic relationship building skills. 



      You can call me bias if you want, but I am a huge supporter of counseling- individual counseling, crisis counseling, marriage counseling, and family counseling. I truly believe that God has gifted certain people to not just be good listeners, but crusaders in the journey right next to another person who is struggling in those areas. Every counselor that I have ever met or worked with (granted I have not met and/or worked with a million of them...) has a testimony of their own that provides that element of trust with those they are counseling. I've been there too friend. I completely understand. It's not just you. You are not alone. In a broken marriage, or even just a ripping at the seems marriage, it can be the difference between reconcilation and divorce having a neutral body who can listen openly and allow you to express yourself freely without fear of judgement or ridicule. 

         However, please remember, the ulitmate counselor is God. His word, the Holy spirit, and His guidance are the first steps to growth in marriage. I am not sure how any marriages function without the counsel of the One who created the institue of marriage in the first place.  




                                                                             BONUS TIP:

If you are serious about your marriage and the direction it ultimately goes, you are going to have to work at it. No great marriage has ever progressed successfully without hard work. If marriage was easy, everyone would do it. It takes a committment on your part (yes- YOU!) to stay the course even when things seem pretty pointless. It takes resolve, patience, and a death grip on God every step of the way. 



I pray these tips encouraged you!!


Peace, love, and Strength

Victoria Wilson



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